Welcome to the Friday Fiction Feature! Research Assistant Tabatha back again, with this week’s theme “please don’t kill me: adventures in parody” where I take all your old favorites (and some not-so-favorites) and ruin them with parody versions. So I hope you enjoy these humorous versions, while I go and hide out from the fan-rage.
First, a parody of a novel some of you may have heard of (or not, really I don’t think it was that popular). Fifty Shames of Earl Grey (Fifty Shames #1) by Fanny Merkin, Andrew Shaffer. Young, arrogant, tycoon Earl Grey seduces the naïve coed Anna Steal with his overpowering good looks and staggering amounts of money, but will she be able to get past his fifty shames, including shopping at Walmart on Saturdays, bondage with handcuffs, and his love of BDSM (Bards, Dragons, Sorcery, and Magick)? Or will his dark secrets and constant smirking drive her over the edge?
Next up is a parody of another small release (I think there may have been a movie or two… who knows) New Moan: The Twishite Saga – A Parody(Twishite Saga #1) by Stephfordy Mayo. “I want to bite you, Heffa. I want to bite you very hard. I’ll be gentle, I promise. If you really loved me, you’d let me.”
Heffa Lump is just a typical pale 17-year-old who doubts that anyone will ever see her true beauty, and needs to grow up and get a life. Fortunately, the Spatula Academy of Fictional Excellence specializes in helping characters from kids’ books cross over into adult fiction. Unfortunately, she’s distracted from her attempts to leave adolescence behind when she meets Teddy Kelledyan impossibly gorgeous boy who eats rare meat, is super-strong, and never goes out in daylight. Could he just maybe be a vampire? (Hint: totally.) Soon, Heffa finds herself harassed by supernatural forces on all sides. Will she be able to narrate herself out of danger? Will Teddy learn that being with a girl doesn’t always have to be about biting? And what will happen when the New Moan rises? A tale of first love, painful longing, and even more painful pointy teeth, New Moan is a hilarious parody of the phenomenon that is Stephenie Meyer’sTwilight saga.
For those pining after their own real(ish)-life version of New Moan, there is already a handy guide to supernatural romance (loosely based on some other planet-oriented novel), Vampires are from Venus, Werewolves are from Mars (A Comprehensive Guide to Attracting Supernatural Love) by Vera Nazarian. The critically acclaimed author of MANSFIELD PARK AND MUMMIES tackles a hilarious new parody topic — supernatural relationship advice! Admit it, you’ve secretly dreamed of dating a sexy brooding vampire or an alpha werewolf… But what about dating zombies, mummies, angels, fairies, demons, ghosts, random spotted aliens with tentacles, or other random metaphysical impossibilities? Furthermore, what if those paranormal beings in turn dreamed of dating each other — each one in search of their own supernatural soul mates? The answer lies, as usual, in the planets, and the entire solar system of planetary harmonic alignment. Take the supernatural compatibility test and discover your own soul planet. Discover what planet rules which supernatural species, and which paranormal personality combinations offer the most compatibility to each other — and to you. And then, be matched with the supernatural soul mate of your wildest dreams!
It’s all in here!
Of course, we all know that courtship with vampires and werewolves is wrong- what with the consorting with the devil, bestiality, and age differences to worry about. So for those with more proper literary interests, Vera Nazarian has put together a novel of proper Victorian morals with a nice religious story in Northanger Abbey and Angels and Dragons (Supernatural Jane Austen Series #2). Gothic horrors collide with high satire in this supernatural parody of Jane Austen’s novel. Young and naive Catherine Morland is constantly surrounded by angels only she alone can see. Leaving her country home for the first time, to embark on a grand adventure that begins in fashionable Bath, our romantic heroine must not only decrypt the mystery of the Udolpho Code but win her true love Henry Tilney. Meanwhile she is beset by all the Gothic horrors known to Impressionable Young Ladies — odious demons, Regency balls, elusive ghosts, pleasure excursions, temperature-changing nephilim, secret clues, ogre suitors, and a terrifying ancient Dragon who has very likely hidden a secret treasure hoard somewhere in the depths of Northanger Abbey.
And, last but not least, is the novel which will send hoards of angry fans after me; Bored of the Rings (Cardboard Box of the Rings #3) by The Harvard Lampoon, Henry N. Beard, Douglas C. Kenney. Sometimes childish, sometimes rude, always clever and always very, very funny, this book has delighted most, and outraged a few, Tolkien fans in the US for more than40 years. Pulling in references to popular culture and fantasy literature as a whole, this is a killingly effective parody of THE LORD OF THE RINGS. From the dreary Goddamn (Gollum) to the feckless Arrowroot (Aragorn), the bungling Goodgulf (Gandalf) to the timid, mean-minded boggies Frito (Frodo) and Dildo (Bilbo), no character is safe. Fleeing the Nozdrul, bored by acid-casualty Tim Benzedrine and harassed throughout by the minions of Sorhed, the fellowship move through a Middle Earth like no other. Short, sharp and very much to the point, even Tolkien would be hard-pressed to surpress a giggle at BORED OF THE RINGS.